my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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