Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
