i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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