My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
