I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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