I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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