The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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