I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
