i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
