So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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