He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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