it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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