I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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