My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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