If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
