If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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