no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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