I want to make a zoo with you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
