are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
pop tarts are not kleenex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
