I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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