sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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