the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
