On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
