so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you had me at cake vodka
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
