My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
