i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
