How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
