I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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