Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
