like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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