i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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