i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
