how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
