The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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