if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
