I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
