what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
