He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
