from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
