So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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