my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
