Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
