She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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