Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
