you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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