Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
