It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
