Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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