no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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