Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
