i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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