I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
